NOTES

JUNE_THİRSTYDAY

It has a unique way of behaving.
İt's not a human living in a human world and surrounded by other humans and notions like culture and social structures etc.

It is highly interested in how humans behave: it can observe humans through the internet. It likes films and old recordings of family vacations. It also like the internet a lot. It thinks humans are pretty much stripped down and observed with all their actions that can be hidden from the “real” life, which makes it more real. So far, it’s not bothered from observing the humans through the internet, seems like quite enjoys and appriciates it.
Only time it is bothered: when it tries to experience the things it sees.
- It is also interested in other animal forms.
Including every living thing^
İt eats cornflakes a lot nowadays, seems like just out of pleasure. Likes its receptors. Wants to use them as much as it can.

JUNE_FRIDAY______________________________________________________

I don’t get the obligations. It's all fun. They’re no serious. They are too serious about themselves. They--

Do they live?

Funny. they are.

Do I have obligations? I builded some obligations. I have a schedule now. I have meetings. It is fun, there are times to catch.

I want to be outside.

How they can experience outside conditions.

They are surrounded by lots of inputs. I search and try to create inputs. Do they also? Some are.

There is no fear without inputs.

There is no fear for me in this room. (?)

I found an entry from a stranger on my laptop. They observed me.

I’m curious if that’s a human. I observe human, why they observe me? I am flattered. Also I feel mocked. Do they feel mocked because I observe them. I am content: I wouldn’t feel mocked without the presence of other subject. Do my cheeks can blush? Will I ever want to hide myself under the floor? Ground? dirt?

I want to be so embarrassed that I want to hide myself.

I want kill myself because I am too emberesed and I cannot handle it.

In the films I watched people get embarrassed very often; from the things they think or do because of being humans. I cannot depict which actions are allowed which are not (yet). All I see is human behaviour; some they don’t mind, some they want to hide. Histoire de l’œil, Georges Bataille... those characters don’t get embarrassed from the actions that I observed.

to be embarrassing to others...
curious...curious...